


i'm not perfect (but i swear i'm perfect for you)

by sonynoedan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: How to tag???, Idk how to angst, Implied Smut, M/M, Romance, XiuHan - Freeform, a lot of swearing, bit of angst, chanbaek if u squint, fluff??, ot12!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 09:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5411996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonynoedan/pseuds/sonynoedan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which minseok's an emotional wreck and luhan's a walking sunshine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm not perfect (but i swear i'm perfect for you)

i.

drip drop. minseok listened to the sound of raindrops gently pouring down his window. he's currently seated on the floor, legs sprawled out under the coffee table a meter away from him, his head resting on the edge of his couch, whilst his right hand is fiddling with his phone, scrolling through his music, wondering if there's a perfect song for this mood of his. 

zion t, san e, crush, oh and he's got epik high too, bigbang, heck he's even considering listening to some ed sheeran or sam smith songs too. just anything. but he can't seem to find the right one. and he doesn't even know what he's searching for. something that's just...right.

oh screw it, minseok mindlessly tosses his phone from across the room. regretting it a second after when he realized he'll be too indolent to reach it due to its distance, god why'd i have to throw it so far away, minseok groans, throwing his head back on the couch.

minseok decides he's just going to listen to the rain instead. it's not really quiet, but it's calming. and that's more than enough.

why is he so emo, you ask? no he's not sad, nor depressed, no not at all. minseok convinces himself, he just feels empty. 

empty, despite the happy-go-lucky friends he has. 

empty, despite the amount of food in his fridge. 

empty, despite his grades that are so freaking high, mount everest would be jealous.

to be honest, minseok thinks, he should be goddamn happy, but why isn't he? this feeling isn't even close to nirvana. why is he here in his apartment, in his living room, moping about this abrupt emptiness?

 

his thoughts were ruined by the sudden pounding on his front door.

"minseok." knock. "minseok?" knock. knock. "minseokkie," knock. knock. knock. oh, great. it's his next-door neighbor—and well, okay, his best friend—about to bother him at such an early hour. minseok won't even make an effort getting up and opening the door because he knows the other would just use the key minseok gave him—which minseok doesn't recall doing—and open the door himself.

minseok watches as his door knob turns from left to right then left again and then, it stops. the visitor swings the door open a bit too widely, minseok thinks the rain just stopped because of the obnoxious amount of sunshine entering his apartment, embodied in the form of a boy named luhan.

"good morning minseooook! the weather's gloomy but i'm not!" luhan exclaims, rushing to his best friend's side. crouching beside him. minseok covers his whole face with the back of his left hand, groaning. "go away, luhan."

even with the close proximity, luhan can't seem to hear minseok's protests and scans his eyes around the room, searching for something, he turns to minseok for a moment, "phone?" 

minseok groans, pointing to the area where his phone could be. luhan stands up, and goes to that exact area, and then he's back beside minseok, a minute after, minseok's phone in hand, quickly typing minseok's passcode in. luhan then clicks on the music app. 

"luhan, don't you dare—" and then minseok's hearing that new hip hop boy group's song on full volume which he doesn't remember downloading. "i'm not in the mood for loud songs, go away you dip shit—"

and then luhan's bouncing up and down with both of his hands up in the air, "jjeoreo!"

"oh dear god." minseok's not even looking anymore, luhan's probably doing some crazy hip thrust and that's not a view he wants to see right now. and oh god, is luhan rapping? the actual—"i don't wanna say YES, I don't wanna say YES!" 

"kill me now."

luhan halts for a minute, minseok looks up at the male curiously, wondering why—"jjeoreo!" 

minseok is so done. 

when the song ends, luhan drops on the floor, exhausted from the exaggerated dancing, and faces minseok, grinning from ear to ear. "now, wasn't that fun?" minseok frowns, "uh no."

luhan rolls his eyes, "oh minseok, don't be such a buzzkill. live up a little. instead of staying here in your apartment, all alone and moping about nothing, you should go outside and have some fresh air, talk to the squad. you're such an introvert sometimes." buzzkill? really?

they hear the sudden stillness and realize the rain has stopped. luhan excitedly stands, and pulls minseok up. the elder flails his arms, indicating he's too freaking lazy for this.

this is not what he planned his day to turn out to be. he expected a slow, quiet, and dark day. and all he got was a fast and a loud one, with rays of sunshine seeping through his curtains. ugh.

but then luhan's shoving him outside the apartment, and out in the open air. minseok sighs in content. okay, fine, he doesn't want to admit it, but yeah, the air is fresh and luhan may or may not be right. 

 

ii.

"hyung, you should totally come here at the party, it's really wicked." chanyeol phones minseok, with shinee's view blaring from the speakers, convincing him the twenty third time that night. not that minseok's counting. 

"you know i don't like parties, yeol. besides, you're probably having a blast already. i don't need to be there," he explains.

minseok can hear chanyeol's exasperated sigh through the phone and minseok almost feels guilty. can they blame him? he's not really a fan of parties. he's not a fan of sweaty bodies grinding onto each other, deafening music, the excessive amount of alcohol, stench of drugs and moans not masked by the thin walls.

he's not a fan of going home wrecked, and waking up with a pounding headache. 

and he's most definitely not a fan of waking up next to a person he doesn't even know, with only a blanket covering their bodies that were soaked from sweat and from whatever minseok doesn't even want to mention and with absolutely no recollection of what the hell happened the night before.

"you don't get it at all, do you, hyung? it's always more fun when we're complete. when we're with you," chanyeol supplies, "also, kyungsoo's here too. can you believe it, hyung? even soo came to the party. i would leave you alone if you aren't alone at home and watching the walking dead, but, uh, you kinda are—don't deny it, i can hear the zombies through the phone—so, what do you say, hyung?" 

okay, minseok's feeling guilty right now, he should probably turn off the the walking dead, get up from the couch, change into something nice, and go out of his apartment on his own for once—"luhan hyung's on his way there right now anyway, and i know he'll be able to drag you here right away, so yeah i'll leave you to it!"

minseok didn't even have a chance to form a coherent response when chanyeol hangs up, leaving him to process what he had just heard, "what."

as if on cue, luhan's slamming minseok's front door wide open, with a determined look on his face, but still of course, with that smirk plastered probably permanently on his mouth.

"prepare yourself, kim minseok. we have a party to crash." luhan states, to which minseok strongly disagrees to,

"no."

and that is how minseok ends up in a plain white t-shirt, and black ripped jeans that perfectly hugs his thighs, hair swept up, eyes smudged in eyeliner with people everywhere and music jarring. minseok's itching to go home already. 

chanyeol instantly spots minseok when he enters the dorm, swiftly heading to their direction, stopping when he was close enough, handing both of them a red paper cup, grinning so wide like his face would split, and then returning to where he came from, with a tipsy baekhyun in his arms. and minseok's not dumb to not know where they're headed. because chanyeol reeked of alcohol.

minseok turns to his right to face luhan, who seems to be drinking the remnants of his cup with pure distaste, judging from his face all wrinkled up. luhan never did like cheap beer, minseok recalls.

he was always the champagne kind of guy. wines and all those rich mofo stuff. he did come from a wealthy family after all. but luhan never bragged about it, luhan is honestly the most down-to-earth little fuck he had ever met. and that's probably one of the things minseok liked about the younger. so he's really not complaining that he has luhan for a friend.

"you okay there, lu?" minseok asks, tilting his head to the side rather teasingly. luhan shakes his head. 

but then, luhan's toes seem to move on its own, due to the familiar beat of a new song playing, and then he's beaming while minseok grimaces, because he knows this song all too well. 

luhan throws the empty cup somewhere, and he's counting until the song starts. minseok barely has the dignity to look. luhan's going to dance to this song like his life depends on it and he's just going to quietly watch how his best friend will make a fool of himself. 

one. 

two.

three.

"seulpohajima no no no! hanja ga aniya no no no!" luhan jolts his hips to the beat. before minseok can even register what's happening, luhan somehow ends up in the middle of the dance floor, dancing the whole choreography of the song. to be honest, if luhan was a girl, he'd be a perfect addition to the girl group. 

it's when the song changes that minseok wanted nothing more than to get a shovel and bury himself in a deep, deep, hole. because it's that one song minseok once danced to when someone had dared him, and it had been haunting him ever since. minseok can practically see the glimmer in luhan's eyes when he heard the intro.

so one minute, minseok's standing out of the spotlight, and then the next, he's being awfully dragged by luhan, the spotlight casting right directly at him. he had no other choice but to go with it. and there are already a lot of people crowding around him.

minseok closes his eyes, praying that this nightmare would be over, but realises its not when he opens them, and he's now dancing to sistar's give it to me. with his friends cheering for him.

"you're sexy, minseok!"

"that ass though!"

"if luhan hyung wasn't here, i'd bang you!"

series of laughter filled the room. i just wanna go home, minseok thinks dreadfully.

minseok had no idea what happened that lead to him, carrying a drunk luhan on his shoulders, while the male having a few whispers of 'like i would let them bang you' and dropping luhan carelessly on his bed. since he didn't really have a key of luhan's apartment, and minseok's dead tired himself, he lets himself fall on the bed quickly. sighing at the comfort given to him.

he snaps from his reverie when luhan calls his name. he turns to his side, "hm?"

"kiss me." luhan trips over his words, slurry from the alcohol, expression firm. minseok rolls his eyes, already used to the younger's antics. "time for bed, luhan. you've had enough." he smiles genuinely.

"i'm serious."

the elder shakes his head, getting up from his position and grabbing a blanket from the drawers. he then goes back to the bed and places the blanket over luhan, tousling luhan's hair after he does.

"no you're not."

minseok resorts to sleeping on the couch. with a queer feeling he can't quite put where its from.

 

iii.

minseok never liked long walks on the beach, unlike most people. solely, because of two reasons;

firstly, he hates walks to begin with. despises them even. he's always too tired for a walk. tired of his part-time jobs, tired of his classes and probably, tired of his life. yes, at such an early age of 23.

and if he really isn't tired, walking itself is tiring. kim minseok in a nutshell, everyone.

and secondly, he never liked the beach. he always gets too much sunlight than he bargained for, the water is too salty for his liking, he hates getting sand in his eyes and there's too many people. he'd rather be alone, thank you very much.

so that is why he doesn't know how the hell did he end up at the beach, with nothing but his blue trunks on—which luhan made him forcefully wear—and this circle of people around him whom he called friends. 

all appear to be enjoying themselves, and they're all splashing water at each other like little kids.

there's yifan flinging a scared zitao in the salty water, and honestly, minseok almost feel sorry for the guy. 

jongdae and baekhyun's running around the beach, trying to flee an inflamed kyungsoo, probably about some silly shenanigan they had pulled on him. 

there's also sehun, teasing jongin that he's had enough of the sun because he's burnt already. 

minseok sees yixing too, who looks like an innocent child because he's taking those seashells he seem to find pretty and bringing it up to his ears. 

minseok hears another splash and looks over to see junmyeon already drenched with a laughing yifan beside him.

and then there's him, casually lying on those beach chairs with parasols, so he's practically out of the sun, and maybe, the beach can be relaxing too even though its a bit rowdy, he seemed to have taken a liking for the smell of the salty waters mixed with the breezy air and it's so soothing he can probably sleep right then and there, and minseok decides it's not really a bad idea so he proceeds to close his eyes.

but then, his eyes hook luhan and chanyeol, conversing. and there's something about their expressions that minseok doesn't seem to like. chanyeol appears to have felt minseok's stare because he swivels his head and looks directly at him, with luhan following suit. and it sends goosebumps all over minseok's body when luhan smirks. he doesn't like smirking luhan because smirking luhan is trouble luhan.

and chanyeol's simpering and minseok doesn't like it one bit, because he knows they're up to something and minseok is getting wary.

luhan motions at the water with his eyes and oh dear god, minseok has caught on and he knows what the hell they're planning and he hates it.

minseok shoots them both a glare, "hell no."

but they're obviously not frightened at all because one moment he's lying comfortably, and then the next he's being manhandled, and is getting carried in bridal style by park chanyeol. 

he barely manages a scream when he gets completely submerged and tastes the sea, and yes, its fucking salty, and no, he doesn't like it. minseok rises up from the water, figures out he's not really in deep, the blinding sun meets his squinting eyes, and he can hear familiar laughter surrounding him, the sun gets blocked though, by a notorious boy he calls his best friend, extending a hand, offering minseok to help him up.

minseok leers, takes luhan's hand, and nah, he's going to have fun instead, tugs luhan down in the water with him. the sound of laughter increases its volume and even chanyeol's ridiculous seal clapping can be heard.

when luhan uprises, minseok's already laughing his ass off, and he kinda foresees luhan to throw a fit or something, but luhan, luhan smiles instead. and minseok doesn't know what to feel when he realises luhan is staring at him, with those eyes that seem to be full of love and adoration, minseok convinces himself its just his imagination. his laughter dies down slowly, and without wasting a moment, he's staring back. the air still between them, a seaweed brushing itself on minseok's legs from down under, and everything slowly becomes a blur except for luhan.

and that same fuzzy feeling's back in minseok's stomach, and why does he feel like his heart is swelling?

he has an inkling as to what this feeling is but he pushes it at the back of his brain because he doesn't want to be sure and he just wants it to stop before he—"gag. get a room!" minseok snaps out of his trance and abruptly looks away, whilst feigning a cough. 

minseok stands up and wordlessly makes his way to shore, leaving the blonde. "i, uh, i'm hungry." 

baekhyun mirths, "took the words right out from my mouth. let's go, my peasants!" kyungsoo slaps him hard on the head, "for the umpteenth time, we are not your peasants. but yeah, okay, let's eat. i cooked."

they each walk to their cottage, cheering as they knew kyungsoo's food never disappoint. 

minseok's left puzzled, wandering off to the opposite path, away from the cottage. and just like that, he's having a long walk on the beach. doing the exact thing he swore he would never do. 

 

iv.

there are only two things in this world that minseok couldn't resist even if he tried.

first, black bean noodles.

he simply loves them to the core. how could he not? its just too delicious how the flavor goes perfect with his mouth, how it quickly blends with his tongue, how his taste buds just couldn't get enough and how he wouldn't stop eating until his stomach limits him to do so.

its one of those rare times where minseok can fully wear a smile on his face without hesitation.

again, how could he not?

it is his favorite food, after all.

 

second?

luhan. enough said.

based from past experiences, minseok admitted this to himself one dull morning. one of those seldom instances where luhan isn't bugging him in the morning and is just lazing around himself, or is off to do errands or has other priorities he should worry about. which, minseok thinks, luhan should be doing most of the time.

how did everything start, you ask?

minseok absolutely had no idea. 

all he recalls is that, luhan practically waltzed in the classroom, took a seat beside him, and basically forced himself to be minseok's friend. and, he concludes, from that moment on, is probably where it all went downhill. 

luhan was the only one who was interested enough to drag minseok into this own circle of friends and they were the only circle of friends who non-hesitantly accepted minseok all the way without judgements and minseok couldn't have been happier.

luhan definitely gave his life some kind of purpose to live again.

sure he hasn't really gotten over of the emo thing, but if it wasn't for luhan, minseok probably shut himself in his own apartment forever.

so he guesses its a good thing. he's not going to prove forever exists anytime soon.

luhan had done him a lot of things that he's sure as hell he's grateful for that's why when its the other's turn to ask for a favor, minseok tries to accept. (though its not really something he normally does.) 

and its always worth it to see that smile find its way on luhan's lips.

now, he'll ask, how could he resist luhan?

when he's currently being persuaded to try the carousel with those goggly eyes and deer-like smile, god.

how could he say no?

when minseok finds himself nodding, the face-splitting smile luhan makes is priceless. and he liked the thought that he was the reason behind it.

minseok felt all bubbly inside and he finds himself smiling as well.

"yay! hurry, i'll pay for the ticket! i call shotgun!"

how could he not?

 

v.

minseok doesn't dream often. 

he ponders, maybe because his mind contains thoughts not really worth dreaming. 

in the dictionary, the definition of dreams are the following:

: a series of thoughts, visions, or feelings that happen during sleep  
: an idea or vision that is created in your imagination and that is not real  
: something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a longtime

but if you ask different people, they would say the same definitions but different explanations, reasons why a people dream. 

 

for one, they say one of the reasons a person dream is because that certain person wants something so bad, longs for it even, that it has made its way in a his or her dream. 

 

another, is that, a person dream about certain events that seem impossible because that certain person probably yearns something that the chance of being achieved is from zero to none. the person had become so hopeless that he or she started dreaming about it. 

 

also, people dream about nonsense because the person dreaming probably has a wide, fertile imagination.

and lastly, people dream up certain happenings, because it might be a prediction, something that's bound to happen in the near future. that's why people get dejavu sometimes. they feel this string of familiarity inside them, thinking it already happened, because they possibly dreamt it way back.

minseok doesn't really give a shit about any of that, but understands it very well, and its perfectly clear to him, crystal.

but when he starts dreaming of one boy that night after minseok met him, and a thread of dreams came every night after that, minseok's baffled.

why would that person have this effect on him when minseok just met him? what kind of effect that person could've given him, to the point that minseok started dreaming about him?

he absolutely doesn't fancy this boy. nor take any interest on him.

but why couldn't he stop dreaming even if he tried? why couldn't he stop dreaming about him? minseok's not really tired of it, but a strong feeling of idiosyncrasy is urging him to do so. to break that thread of dreams. to cease any more dreaming.

dreaming is good, yeah, but dreaming is alien to minseok, more so when he started dreaming with that boy in the picture every damn time.

does minseok recognize the boy?

does he?

goddamn, of course he does. 

because that boy is none other than lu han. who else?

ever since minseok met luhan, he'd been dreaming incessantly. 

it always started off as a dream filled with darkness. it doesn't really count as a dream since you can't see anything but pitch black. but then, he espies a tiny glow in the midst of the dusk. and then it slowly increases in size until he can vaguely see where that light is emitting from.

its emitting from some kind of creature, minseok's not sure yet if its human.

the little light's growing and growing and grows into a full light it almost resembles the sun. its slightly blinding.

minseok squints his eyes, he finally descries what it is. well, who.

its that one boy he met from his psychology class, who, he thinks, really possesses quite a smile that's definitely blinding. they're outside, minseok's not really certain where. all he can grasp is that its night time.

and the dream would just flow naturally from there. in minseok's dream, they would normally just play around together, not a care in the world. 

after that, when the dusk turns to dawn, luhan would halt, and say goodbye. 

before the sun even rises, luhan's gone and minseok's awake. with a strange feeling of discontentment deep within the pit of his stomach.

in tonight's dream though, minseok's doubtless that they're in the woods. he's fully aware that its just a dream, after months of dreaming, he's partially gotten used to it. that's why he doesn't feel any fear amid of it all. 

they're playing tag, and minseok's it, though minseok seriously had no idea when he agreed to this game, he's not really getting tired. 

he absolutely doesn't know where luhan could possibly run off to, but now minseok's hot on his trail. he's passing by tree after tree without any sense of fatigue, the lucent orb in the cloudless night sky as their only company.

he keeps running and even spots the pristine waters of the mountain streams. minseok almost wants to stop and admire the stunning scenery, if it weren't for luhan, who's still running like his life depended on it.

 

"god, lu, how long are you planning on running?" minseok pants behind luhan whilst the other looks back with the most teasing grin, "how long are you planning to catch me?"

 

"i don't know, but i'm getting tired."

 

"i'm a bit tired too, but that's not stopping me, is it?"

 

minseok scrunches his eyebrows in confusion, slightly slowing his steps. "well, why don't you?"

 

"because some things are worth getting tired for." 

 

"i don't even know what that means."

 

they're still retaining their dash, as luhan speaks. "are you man enough to find out?"

 

minseok deadpans. "luhan."

 

the said male just chortles, as he kept running until minseok can see a fantastic view, nearing at a peak. he halts the same time luhan does. "here we are." luhan states.

 

minseok scans their surroundings as if not believing that he's actually standing on a cliff, overlooking this admirable view minseok didn't even knew existed. (well it is a dream after all so it probably doesn't)

 

there it is, the familiar pristine waters he was passing by earlier that he wanted to appreciate but wasn't able to do so. minseok didn't realize he had ran that much. if he was conscious and awake, he probably couldn't finish a meter. and now he could've ran a mile or two. 

 

this is unbelievable. and yet, he wanted nothing but thank luhan for this amazing scenery he brought him to, but couldn't quite find the words how.

"i, uh," 

as if knowing what minseok's going to say, from his position, luhan closes the proximity and pecks minseok lightly on the cheek, then moves back a little. adorning his lips with a warm smile. "you're welcome."

this of course, catches minseok off-guard. he was about to complain but then luhan takes a step back and minseok already knew what was coming shortly after.

minseok slants his head to the side a bit, enough to admire the view one last time, committing it to memory, because this is definitely something he wants to remember when he wakes up. 

just like on schedule, luhan's waving and everything around him's starting to fade before the sun even have the chance to peek from under the horizon.

it's a minute or two until minseok's able to open his eyes. slightly surprised when the sight that greets him is the last thing he saw before leaving that recent dream. "good morning, sunshine."

you're the sunshine here, is what minseok wants to retort but thought it sounded too cheesy, and would totally ruin his aesthetic. 

he thinks that this is probably a sign he didn't know he was waiting for. 

its luhan when he goes to sleep and its luhan when he wakes up.

this is something he can't escape from, and its no use escaping it any longer when its ((literally)) right in front of him and looking him in the eyes.

whatever happens, its always been luhan and it will always be luhan.

minseok heaves a sigh. he blinks twice. as if thinking what's currently in front of him will disappear and would turn into a plot twist in which he wakes up alone and no luhan. and, he admits, would be the darkest life he'll ever have to live.

luhan pokes him on the nose, "what are you blinking for? get up!"

it dawns on him how long it took before it finally came to this. minseok shakes his head, because that plot twist isn't possible. his life is right here, right now, and this life is with luhan. he wouldn't trade it for anything else.

luhan is his sunshine in this dark world. its about damn time he admitted this.

"i need to blink, dumbass."

at least to himself.

 

vi.

oh no. its that time of the year again, and minseok's dreading.

that time of the year where in a normal person should be celebrating, but nope, he ain't doing that, because, um, no, he'd rather sleep, thank you very much.

as if on cue, chanyeol slams his door open, a whole squad of noise in tow. "happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday, kim minseok! happy birthday to youuuu!!" they sang in unison and in harmony with confetti flying all over the apartment. minseok buries his head deeper in the pillows, and pulls his blanket over his head. no, not today. 

well of course, someone had to blast a party popper at his face. "get up, hyung! it's your birthday yay!" baekhyun bounces on the bed, whilst jongdae and sehun join him. 

"no its not, get out." minseok mutters under the pillow.

"ouch, that's cold, hyung." and minseok thought they would just stop there and leave like they've never been there. 

but, they're not the type who will leave just like that.

that's why minseok's are like sizes of compact discs when he is lifted from his bed, and thrown over chanyeol's shoulder. "dude what the fuck, do i look like a bag to you, you shit. respect your elders!" minseok pounds on the hard surface, that is chanyeol's back. 

"hyung, its your birthday, come on, live a little. life tastes good. " oh, just wait until i get down from here, you'll be tasting hell, minseok mutters under his cold breath (and disgusting morning breath that makes him crinkle his nose.) as he waits until he is put down.

which, fortunately comes in a little less than three minutes. "okay, hyung, im going to put you down now, behave okay?" what the actual—

minseok was about to glomp chanyeol when he realizes he's still in his apartment, and there is a large blue box—an ostrich could probably fit in there—with a blue ribbon on top, at the center, just begging to be opened. he scans his eyes to see who's there with him, chanyeol, kyungsoo, baekhyun, jongdae, junmyeon, yifan, yixing, sehun, jongin, zitao and—oh. he was barely able to hide his disappointment when a certain blonde is nowhere to be found. huh. that's rare.

jongdae looks at him, eyes filled with sympathy, but his smile says otherwise, "what's wrong, hyung?" minseok shakes his head. "n-nothing." 

is it just him or was everyone sneering just now?

junmyeon claps once, "well then, time to open your present, hyung." he says as he smile sweetly. junmyeon no.

minseok stares blankly at the gigantic box, "uh, how the hell do i open this?" the box is almost the same height as him, but a bit taller, so it'd be a mess if he opens it and loads of shit come pouring out, so he's getting wary.

"that's simple hyung,"sehun steps up, grinning like the cheshire cat, minseok almost feel scared. "you just have to pull that tiny tip of the ribbon and it'll open." he states simply, pointing at the said part.

minseok contemplates, chews on his lower lip, before tiptoe-ing and carefully pulls the tip, immediately untying. he steps back a few meters, as the box slowly unravels what it contains.

he can feel everyone's amused stares once it opened, and the boy who he was looking for is now in front of him, smiling innocently, like he hadn't been in a box, moments ago.

"happy birthday, minseokkie."

"....that's hyung to you."

"i'll be same age in a month." luhan sticks his tongue out. 

"okay, all of you can go home now, party's over." minseok dismisses, heading back to his bed when the latter places a hand on his shoulder.

"its two forty-five in the afternoon, and far from being the best day and night of your life, so nope, this party is nowhere near over."

minseok resists the urge to roll his eyes.

 

vii.

 

kisses aren't new to minseok, he knows that much is a fact.

he's had his fair share of kisses way back in his high school days. although, not all of them were serious, he knows how to and is prepared if ever he's about to have one again.

but nothing could've prepared him for this one.

its probably around midnight and his birthday just ended, but minseok doesn't think the party would be ending soon considering the great amount of people raving in his apartment like its theirs.

at first, it was just twelve of them and it was fun, really. but they must have invited a few more people and word got out, so he ended up celebrating his birthday with friends, people he barely knew and people he didn't even know existed in the first place. 

minseok enjoyed for the first three hours, trying to socialize, getting out from his comfort zone.

but when the fourth hour came, and it was starting to get dark, it turned into this rowdy party and minseok decided to down this bottle of cheap beer beside him instead.

he didn't know how long he was downing that drink and didn't know what time it was but none of that mattered when one second he's just sitting there and then the next, minseok's being shoved until his back is against a wall.

formerly, he thought he was going to get punched or something, so he closed his eyes waiting for the impact but none of it came, and instead felt a pair of lips on his.

the unknown person's lips started moving and minseok has no idea why he responded on instinct. so here he is, kissing some person he doesn't even know because his eyes are still closed and he's too scared to open them.

god, this person can kiss though. 

if minseok drank enough he'd drag this unknown person into the nearest bedroom, he swears to god.

but he's not. so when it dawns on him that he's actually making out with a stranger for a few minutes already he opens his eyes and jolts away when he sees who it was.

"l-luhan?" did he just make out with luhan? for real?

"yes minseok, for real," luhan chortles, "you definitely liked it though." 

minseok opened his mouth to speak, then closes them, opens them again, and closes them once more. yeah, he did. he did like it. luhan smiles, "don't worry, i liked it too. i like you more though."

fucking smooth. "uh."

yes, you were fucking smooth too minseok, way to go. luhan continues with a shake of his head, completely not wavered by minseok's lack of response, "i'm not drunk nor am i expecting an answer right now. but i am serious and i am willing to wait until you like me ba—"

"i do." minseok abruptly interrupts, luhan's breath hitches. "what?"

"i said, i do. i do like you back. what are you even waiting for?" minseok exhales, this is it. 

luhan stares at him, dumbstruck. "huh?"

"i'm also not drunk, you see. and i am serious. and i am willing to wait until you're back to your senses so you can kiss me again." 

and minseok tries hard not to grin and luhan's fighting back a laugh, but none of those mattered when luhan's pressing his body on minseok whose back is against the wall again and luhan's lips are back on minseok's, hot and insistent.

luhan pulls away for a minute though, "by the way, where the hell is your originality? i fucking prepared that speech and it took me months to muster up the courage and all you're going to do is copy, change some words and say it back to me in minutes? isn't that plagiarism?"

minseok pushes luhan onto the wall, reversing their positions. "yeah, hah, you made me wait for months so yeah, shut up." minseok simply states, tugging luhan back towards him to kiss. with more fervour this time. 

minseok skims his hands down luhan's sides and then settling it on his waist. whilst he curls his tongue into luhan's mouth. he then grinds his hips down, slow and deliberate.

neither of them remembered how they ended up crashing into minseok's bedroom door, shoving some couple away who seemed like zitao and sehun, close to stripping each other's clothes off.

the door shuts with a slam, and luhan's on him. mouth still hot and heavy on his. luhan lets out something close to a sob because shit, finally finally finally. 

and they have now ended up on minseok's bed, shirts off and luhan is on top, straddling minseok's hip whilst minseok's hands are around luhan's hips, keeping him steady. lips not leaving each other as if trying to steal the air from each other's lungs. 

"i," luhan murmurs between kisses, "have been," kiss. "wanting to do this," more kisses. "for a fucking long time now," luhan breaks away to share a second of eye contact, "so are you going to let me?"

luhan asks him with a look of desperation. as if he would break down right there if minseok didn't agree. 

"i really really like you minseok, and if you'd tell me to stop, i, i'd do it. so...are you going to let me continue?"

minseok slips a hand around luhan's neck to grasp at his nape, then tugs it down for the other's lips to meet his for a chaste kiss. 

they're both breathing heavily once they laggardly break apart. and they're staring at each other's lips.

luhan wonders how goddamn bad he wanted minseok, how goddamn long he waited for this moment, how he goddamn knows he's fallen hard for kim minseok, and how he's goddamn oblivious to not notice minseok feeling the same way until it hit him right in the face. 

and minseok, minseok have never felt so contented, that he finally has luhan right here in his arms, and they're alone and they're finally going somewhere and now luhan's asking him if he's ready to take it even more further and minseok, well minseok only has one answer to that—

 

"fuck yes."

 

viii.

 

minseok awakes at the sound of heavy pouring outside. on instinct, he glances at the space beside him, getting his hopes high for who he might see.

only to find it none. no one's there. smiling up at him. starting his day right.

he sighs heavily, a hand covering his left eye. 

right.

he really should've gotten over this already. 

minseok sits up and swings his legs to the side to put on his slippers. he stands up and checks the clock; 9:30 am.

hm, he's still early. minseok scans his eyes up to the calender—april 20, 2016.

its his birthday today. also, its been a year.

its been a year since that day.

its been a year since minseok felt regret.

its been a year since the flowers have dried.

its been a year since the laughs that they tried.

its been a year since the things that they had to hide.

its been a year since he cried.

its been a year since....luhan died.

and yet, minseok could still remember it perfectly.

it was on a sunday and minseok was out to buy some ingredients for some dishes he wanted to whip out for luhan's birthday. he left luhan in their apartment early in the morning because these days luhan have been nothing but sleep-deprived due to his job at night. so minseok wanted to surprise him by the time he wakes up. 

as he was ransacking the freezers for luhan's favorite brand of ice cream in the nearest grocery store he could find his phone started ringing. and a gut feeling told him it wasn't going to be a good phone call. minseok wasn't really sure why he felt that way. so instead of being afraid and ignoring the call, he swiped the accept button.

"hyung?" it was junmyeon. minseok could hear the noise in the background, what seemed like people screaming, panicking, looking for help. and...were those sirens? ambulance? he didn't know. 

"hello?" he replies, almost a whisper.

"are you guys inside your apartment? or are you safe? please tell me you're safe hyung." junmyeon pleads, as if close to tears. minseok scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. why would junmyeon ask him that? he's perfectly fine, isn't he? its just a normal day. shouldn't he be greeting luhan or something? it is his birthday after all.

"huh? what's wrong? i'm perfectly fine, im at the grocery store, just a few blocks from our apartment." minseok responds, cautiously. 

"where's luhan hyung? he's with you right?" junmyeon continues to ask frantically. minseok almost shook his head if he didn't remember he was on the phone, "uh no? i left him at the apartment, he's still sleeping as we speak. what's the matter? why are you suddenly asking me this?"

"oh my god. hyung. shit. fuck. shit. shit. shit." that was all minseok needed to hear from junmyeon before he everything he was holding crashed onto the cold hard ground and he was sprinting out of the grocery store. 

worry, fear, panic across his mind.

what was wrong? is luhan okay? and what's with the loud sirens in the background? junmyeon was just watching television right? some old action movie? 

and then he smelled it. and saw it. and he connected them one by one.

the smell of burning ash, the dark smoke polluting the air around him, firetrucks wreaking havoc. 

he ran and ran, and ran. and ran even further until he felt his world slowly coming into a halt. 

the apartment. their apartment. the one he picked with luhan. the one they've been dreaming for months because it wasn't that close to the city. the one thing he and luhan got together, was now burning to the ground. and luhan was in there. combusting with it.

everything he held dear to him, was disappearing.

but that's not something he would accept immediately. before he could register it, he was pushing his way past the riots and the people screaming for help. 

minseok was about to enter their apartment complex, but then the firemen and health care workers stopped him. holding him back. "i'm sorry sir, but i'm afraid you can't enter that apartment. as you can see, it is very dangerous."

"no! luhan's there! i need to save him! no, let me go. let me go! i need to save luhan! i can't live without him! i wouldn't be able to live without him! just please, let me fucking go and save him! i need him! he needs me!" he cried out, tears prickling down his cheeks. he couldn't care less if he looked ugly right now, he needed to save luhan. 

but they wouldn't let him. they all looked at each other with pity in their eyes. minseok almost had it. he doesn't need their pity. he just needed luhan, right here, right now.

"let me save him." minseok said finally, falling to the ground. as he stared as everything he loved, disappear right in front of his eyes. tears were falling, falling, and falling. 

luhan was still young. he didn't deserve this. luhan didn't deserve this. luhan deserved the world, everything good in it, all the happiness in the world. luhan clearly deserved all of it. minseok did not. he knew that. but can't the world tell him in a much nicer way?

luhan was his world, his everything, For that wretched fire to take everything away from his was just ruthless. he loathed everything. 

his vision went blurry. he can vaguely see the red-orange destroying his life. then next his senses were failing. he could no longer smell the cursed ashes, hear the desperate cries for help. taste the saltness of his mouth. he started to feel numb.

"we are very sorry for your loss." and everything went black.

\--

 

minseok wanted to scream to the heavens, demand luhan back to him. but then, minseok knew luhan belonged there. in the heavens. they probably needed their angel back.

though minseok knew he needed luhan the most. 

there was nothing in the world he could want more than luhan, back in his arms. but of course, he couldn't have everything now, could he?

minseok loved luhan more than anything else in the world. and he knew there was no competing with that. 

and then here he is, in front of luhan's grave. he set the flowers before it and sat. 

"how are you, luhan? i still love you, you know." minseok wanted to laugh at his unbelievable fortune. he wanted to cry, but luhan always hated when minseok cried. so he won't. not in front of luhan, at least. "as much as i want to stay longer, i can't."

"happy birthday, lu. hope you won't forget me, because i sure as hell won't. i just...hate you, you know? you had to disappear on me on the day that i think would be very fateful, and important to me. who knew you were going to leave me first? almost everyone betted i would be the one to leave you. what a plot twist." minseok whispered, tears forming in his eyes as he took out the small velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket. for a year already. fingering the gold ring. sighing as he imagined luhan's smiling face if he would have seen this. but no, it has been a year. and maybe, destiny's a bitch, or timing's a bitch. or forever's a bitch. minseok didn't care anymore. because caring about those wouldn't change anything. it wouldn't bring his luhan back.

at this point, he thought everything was a bitch. well except his friends. the one thing he has left.

although, its still not the same without him, without luhan. 

but luhan's not here anymore.

gone.

 

ix.

 

 

minseok wakes up with drenched cheeks. "minseok! are you alright?" he blinks once, twice. 

"luhan?" and there he was, minseok's sunshine. looking up at him, worry evident in his features.

"yeah? i'm here." luhan assured, sheets covering his body. the same sheets covering his own. "w-what happened?" minseok asked cautiously.

"oh my god. please don't tell me you don't remember, were you that drunk?" luhan slaps minseok's arm lightly. "p-party? we kissed, and...we did that right?" he reacted carefully. the younger almost rolls his eyes.

"minseok, we're almost half fifty. yes, we fucked. and, you remembered, right?" 

minseok feels the hangover seeping in, "yes, shit, i remember. and, this is reality right?" luhan hits him in the head.

"yes? do you dream about me often that you mistake that for a fantasy?" luhan quirks an eyebrow, a smirk creeping into his face. "i-i don't. i just," 

luhan stares at him expectantly, "what?"

so that was just a nightmare, right? please tell minseok its all a nightmare. he's going insane. he can't lose luhan. not now, not ever.

"nothing. i love you, luhan." blood instantly rushes up to luhan's face, "what's that all of a sudden?"

minseok shrugged, "felt like i had to say it."

"you do know we told each other that for like a million times last night?" 

"i'm going back to sleep." luhan hits him in the head again.

"what?"

"i love you too."

yup, this was definitely real. if the heart itching to leap out from his chest, the lips on his own and the extra weight on his body weren't proof enough, he doesn't know what is.

 

 

—

**Author's Note:**

> aND THATS IT FINALLY. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR MONTHS ALREADY AND ITS FINALLY DONE. Yup that's how bad my writer's block is. 
> 
> Yay. here i am again, with another xiuhan bc i made a mission to make my best friend cry with xiuhan. lol hope y'all like it tho! and i hope my best friend cried. happy birthday agatha! i love you! 
> 
> this is my first attempt at angst so excuse my trashy writing, im trash lmao. title inspired from the song 'endlessly' by the cab.
> 
> hmu on twitter! @jeoncest :-) ily.


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